WHAT IS ETIQUETTE AND WHY DO WE FOLLOW IT?
- Adam Clark
What is Etiquette?
Etiquette is defined as: "the customary code of polite behavior in society or among members of a particular profession or group."
These types of codes exist in many places in your life. They exist in schools, sports arenas, on the road driving, in your neighborhood, and more. Some of these are formalized into actual laws because of their importance in protecting life and enabling our world to work well. But many of these are "rules" generally accepted by society or groups of people through years of experience, community sharing and communication, and education either formally or informally. For instance, there are accepted rules of etiquette such as not to cut in lines, to say thank you, to say "please", to hold a door open for someone, etc.
Why Do We Follow Codes of Etiquette?
These codes play an important role in our society, providing a common set of rules by which to live so that life is a better experience.
Codes of etiquette generally have two purposes:
Protection/Safety
Enhance Life Experience
Let's walk through both of these to better understand why we have these codes of etiquette.
Protection/Safety
Many codes of etiquette come into being in order to better protect those involved. These are the types of rules that usually become laws because of the great benefit they are to have a common way of doing things in order to protect human life. This would include things like which side of the road you drive on, rules at stop signs and roundabouts, trespassing laws, and laws against behaviors like stealing, violence, and more. These types of rules protect all parties involved from danger or other potential risk.
Enhance Life Experience
Other codes of etiquette are more about helping us all have a better life experience. They enhance relationships and make things just more pleasant and enjoyable. These are generally not formalized into laws, and are just simply what we come to expect in terms of behavior, that displays your sincere care for others, the earth, property, and other important parts of our world. These types of rules are usually taught by parents, coaches, teachers, church leaders, friends, and other important people in your life. By abiding these codes, you are able to get along with others better and life just is a better experience.
What if I disagree with the rules?
You will find at times that you disagree with some rules of etiquette. That is understandable. Some rules are created and spread from a narrow point of view, or a limited life experience, and haven't had much time to be refined, debated, or improved upon. Most of the time these rules are built for the most common circumstance and person involved. They are built to be able to be followed by everyone involved. This means that sometimes the rule doesn't fit a specific circumstance or maybe the situation/context of the world is changing and rules need to be amended.
Imagine, for instance, if we tried to apply old codes of etiquette for phone calls and phone usage that were used before cell phones, to our current world?! It wouldn't work at all. In fact, over time we are continuing to create, shape, and refine these types of rules for cell phone use all the time. This includes things like driving while talking or texting, phone use in public places like restaurants, use in Church and school and work meetings, using them in public bathrooms, and more. Over time, these will continue to change and new laws and rules will be put into place and spread through our society, and they will become the default way we think and act.
This process needs your input, but in a productive way. Simply not obeying these rules, or protesting in a negative or even violent way is not generally productive. However, you can do much to shape and improve codes of etiquette if you engage in productive ways. Here are some guidelines on how to deal with situations where you are not in agreement with the rules:
Legal Rules
If what you disagree with has been formalized into a law, you still must obey them, or be faced with the consequence of those laws. It is not ok to just break the law because you disagree. Our country is a representative democracy, so you can make a change to laws by working through both democratic (voting) actions and working with your representatives to shape laws that are put into place. This can be a very rewarding process and is in some ways it's own code of etiquette - the way we do things in our world to create positive, legal change. It does take effort and time, but when followed, it is a healthy, productive way to create meaningful change. Sometimes this means putting petitions together and gathering signatures, sometimes it's writing a letter or making a phone call, sometimes it might include you being part of forging a solution through research and drafting legislation. And at times it might be appropriate to create a more visible voice through a protest, but it should be done carefully, respectfully, and within the laws give for doing so. No matter the circumstance, it is at the least, important that you help shape our rules and laws by voting. It's a powerful and positive action that will bless our communities and your life.
Non Legal Rules
These can be the hardest to change, actually, and the most frustrating and hard to accept at times. This is because there is no formal structure like a political system in which they are created or maintained. Instead, these are maintained through social acceptance and spread. And as you probably already have figured out, people are not easy to change at times. Here are some things you can do, however:
Use Social Media to spread the word through posts, memes, videos, or other means that will explain your point of view.
Write about it in an editorial to the local new sources (internet or print, etc), blog about it and share that on social media.
Work with influential/important organizations like cities, clubs, non-profits, businesses, neighborhood associations, etc.
Start something like an organization that can work to affect change, raise money to do that, and provide a place for similar voices to meet and take action.
Work to formalize it - such as into a law or rule.
The basic guideline in working to change things, however, is to...
Be positive. Avoid negative comments, posting, hurtful or hateful actions or words, or unproductive confrontation. Try to find as positive a path as possible to affect change by forging relationships of trust and mutual respect.
Be Helpful - get involved, help others who need your voice, and do things that aren't selfish in nature.
Have sincere, positive intentions and motivations
Be consistent and persistent - Stick with it, do and say what you believe is right, and if you put the effort and time in, your positive work will pay off in change
lastly, remember, that most change (especially informal) is SLOW to happen. Be patient with people and the situation.
In the Meantime...
Do your best to be a positive influence for good and an example to those around you by following the accepted codes of etiquette/conduct, and being engaged in making those codes meaningful and the best possible. You can be part of shaping a better world by doing this.
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